Terror in a small town

Since Thursday night my area of town has been damaged every night for the last 3 nights.  My apartment complex has 2 buildings, Thursday night/Friday morning some one decide to flood one building and spray paint hall ways, doors, mailboxes with profanity and racial symbols.   My building got the spray painting also but no flooding. While they were at it they decided to do my car too.

My car is far from new 2004 but still it didn’t need any extra “charm”!

Come Saturday night someone  decided to try to burn down the other building by starting a fire in the stairwell.   On Sunday night the Aholes decided  to try and burn my building by staring a fire!

I live in a rather small town, in my opinion, roughly 7500 people.  I moved here almost 7 years ago to get away from crap like this. 

I have a 15 year old and 20 month old and I am scared to death to go to sleep tonight, as I keep thinking something else is going to happen.  I also realized, I need to pack an emergency bag just in case because last night me and my two kids were outside in 29 degree weather at 1 am in our PJs and coats.  That is not okay to me. 

I have already started clearing out closest and cupboards because we are moving the moment I have enough money to move. 

My loves hug and kiss your loved ones often and never take for granted that some nutcase will try to take you from them.



Dark to Light

I have been away from the blog for quite sometime because well, life got in the way.  I currently suffer from unmedicated Rheumatoid Arthritis and add that to my medicated bout of depression and woooo time bomb.   I have an appointment to see a new RA doctor because the one I currently see through Iliana VA is not listening to me and has had me off medication for almost a year.   I do not see the civilian doctor till January 8th so till then I have to live with the flares, the pain, the exhaustion, the depression. 

My depression is due to a mixture of dealing with my RA, financial strains and the ending of a 2 1/2 year relationship.   Kinda all added up at once on me.  Depression is nothing to be embarrassed about, a good chunk of the population has to deal with.   I fight it daily, some days I win, some days I curl up on the bed and it wins.  I am trying hard to work through it because my children do not get a very good mommy during those times.   They get the robot mom, who just goes through the motions of caring for them instead of the engaged happy mom they deserve.  No one is happy when mommy is not happy.  

When I feel the darkness starting to take over I try to rely on things I have learned in therapy over the years.  Journaling is huge help!  Writing down what I am going through and what I am grateful for helps me look for the light.  

Doing something for myself everyday!  Spend at least 1 hour doing something for myself.  Whether that be reading a book, taking a bubble bath or playing a game, it is my time for me to unwind.

I  still not out of the woods but the more I stick to the above tasks the better I will get.  At least this is what works for me.  If you find yourself feeling like everyday is a bad day there is no shame in asking for help!  I am hear of you need an ear to vent to.  Suicide is never the answer as it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.   You are not alone and it will get better. 

Take care loves I will be back again :)


Can’t have nothin’ nice!

Can’t have nothin’ nice!” a phrase my mom use to say quite frequently while I was growing up.   Once I had children I learned why she said it all the time.   My Baby Girl has been on a rampage lately destroying one thing after another.  As soon as I think I have an item out of her reach, she proves me wrong.  Here are a few examples of her destruction.

Broken Pig
She murdered my favorite Piggy Bank.  While it is not an expensive item, it was a gift from my mother after I returned from living in England.  It was Priceless in my eyes…now it is a pile of plaster.  *sobbing*
Broken Pig
Destroyed Make-up
Before I had my Baby Girl, I was a make-up snob, I admit it.  I loved the stuff, obsession was an understatement.  After I found out I was pregnant, I cut myself off from my expensive hobby.  So 2 years and no new pretties for me and of course does my baby girl go after the cheap stuff, of course not.  She has nearly destroyed my entire collection; we are talking hundreds of dollars in make-up.  I makes my stomach hurt.   This is only one of the many.
She-Hulked my Jewelry Armoire
Never underestimate the strength of a toddler.  She straight up tore the front of the drawer right off, for this one I seriously lack the words to describe how I feel about this.  I don’t know if I should be proud she is so strong or scared shitless. 
Water fetish
I can’t believe how many times these phrases have come out of my mouth any given day… “Get your feet out of the cat’s water!”, “leave the cat’s water alone!”, “stop turning running the bath”, “and turn the faucet OFF!”    Well Sunday night I left her brother in charge of her, so that I could run up the street to get quarters to do laundry.  Was gone less than ten minutes, and she decided my phone needed to go for a swim.   SIGH!  (Cue mommy meltdown)  My son and I are with Straight Talk, when we need a new phone we have to pay for it out right.  Since I need a phone and would still like to feed my kids I am stuck with a phone the cheapest phone Straight Talk had, it does what I need it to do for now. 
I will be trying to devise a way to lock all my stuff up so she can’t break anything else I value, wonder how much a big safe is?

Rule of 3 for Time Management

For a week I tried to be more productive with my time at work and at home by using my rule of 3.  At work I was limited to 3 times a day to access my internet for pleasure and at home I was to complete 3 chores before bed.  The first day I was golden, but as the week went along I learned I needed to implement some new strategies into my daily routine.

At my current job I have unlimited access to Facebook, Pinterest, and a few other of my oh so favorite websites.  To help myself be more productive at work, I have limited myself to only going on these sites 3 times a day.  I am awful when it comes to having squirrel moments (times when you just can’t focus for the life of you), during these squirrel moments I drift to the internet.

During this week at work, I learned to be more productive I have to WRITE.IT.DOWN!  I have to write a list of all the things I need to have accomplished that day.   It really does help to keep me in line and offline.  I usually write my list in order of priority while having my first cup of coffee for the day, it helps me not feel rushed or like I am getting dumped on first thing in the morning.  IF someone has an “emergency” first thing in the morning I no longer RUSH around, it can wait 5 more minutes.  I also have welcomed Outlook reminders into my life to help me with deadlines and meeting reminders.

Work was the easy part, home was a completely different monster all its own.  As a single mom of a teenager and a toddler things rarely went how I wanted them to go.  The 3 things  I learned about how to handle the 3 chore rule at home were the following :

  1. Get a Planner, Calendar, or Utilize your phone task manager/calendar. I am old school and I have a cheap phone that can’t handle more than one thing at a time, I went to Walgreens and got a Weekly/Monthly Planner.  It has a weekly pages and a view of the whole  month at once.  I L.O.V.E IT.  I like having a hard copy to look at.  20150929_145831
  2. WRITE.IT.DOWN!  In my world, if I don’t write it down, it never existed and will probably never happen.  Biggest Lie I tell myself…”I don’t need to write it down, I will remember.”  Guess what 90% of the time….I never remember.  I have waved the white flag of surrender and realized only way I will get better at this is to WRITE IT DOWN! 20150929_145304
  3. Know what triggers your lazy and what motivates you. I have kids, tired is a permanent fixture of who I am .  I know if I turn on the TV and sit down, I am not getting my happy butt up again. So, I have to do my 3 things while either cooking dinner or right after I get home and set my purse down.  My motivator is Music! I put on some Jams and off I go!

Now, I am far from being an expert and I know this may not work for everyone but it works for me.  Hopefully it can help someone.



Time is a funny thing, It never seems to ever have the same speed. An hour watching your favorite show does not feel as long as an hour sitting at the DMV. Being a single parent or a parent at all, time is as precious as gold and like gold you never feel like you have enough to get by…..well ok I never feel like I do. This week I just don’t seem to have enough time to do everything on my to do list at home or at work. When that happens I end up wanting to do anything BUT my to do lists.

I am try to do different thing th help me cope with the stress and dread of doing said to do lists. My procrastinating effects job and home life and to be honest with myself it disappoints me. Here I am suppose to be this adult who is suppose to be responsible and such, yet I am like a ten year old girl who got seated next to the window and all I can do is daydream out the window during school.

Last week during work I decided to try mini goal setting to keep me focused on work. When I was active duty during long physical training (PT) runs I use to do the same thing. I would tell myself if I could just run to that tree ahead I would give myself permission to walk, I would make it to the tree but keep running by setting another goal ahead. So during work last week I promised myself if I got through 1 page or 2 pages I could then fill out some sweepstakes. Side note, to relax I fill out online sweepstakes but that is a whole other post yet to come. But this time I would stop and give my self the reward instead of just continuing with the task, most of the time as the project I was doing was not one of my favor work responsibilities.

Now this week I am overwhelmed with how much I have to do I decided to try the 3 goal approach. For home that means to write down three things I want to accomplish before going to bed and making sure they are completed. For work the 3 goal is to only check the internet 3 times or less before lunch and after. I do a lot of computer work so clicking on that internet button can be a HUGE time waster at work. So far it has worked great but it is only Monday so we will see. I will add a full Update on Friday.

Thanks for spending some of your precious time reading my post.


Welcome :)

Welcome :)

Welcome! So I decided to write a blog. Why?  I have absolutely no idea, just sounded like a good idea, place to spew my experiences to the world. Maybe inform one or two people the right way or wrong way to go about something. A Glimpse into my life as a single mother of two. I will try to keep it mostly PG but I am a single mother of two kids and a veteran, I am well aware the world we live in is rarely PG but I will do my best.  Let me tell a little bit more about me, I have two minions a boy who is 15 years old and a girl who is 18 months old.  After I had my son I always said I wanted one more kid but I didn’t think there would be a 13 year age gap.  Seems the Universe has a sense of humor when it comes to my life. I am divorced, I have lived in many different states and England.  I loved my time in England, I was there for almost 3 years. I tend to be sarcastic a lot, sometimes it just comes falling out of my mouth.  I am at the age were I tend to tell it like it is and not feel sorry for doing so.

A month ago today, I started on a journey to improve myself, to be a better role model for my kiddos.  This journey of self-improvement started all because I was fat shamed while at lunch with a friend by a restaurant worker.  Let’s just say it ended with me in tears and my friend calling the manager over to inform him on what was said. I have been skinny and I have been fat, and in all honesty I can say, when you are fat people do not treat you like a human being.  That situation did more than just make want to get back to my military weight it also made me re-evaluate my entire life.  I realized I have been just doing the bare minimum in life.  So I will subject you all to my successes and failures on improving my life for the better.  YOUR WELCOME ha!   So, we shall be doing this together, hope you’re ready because I am so ready to see what the future holds!

Thanks for stopping by, see you soon.