On March 5, 2016 @ 930pm I found out my twin sister had died. My world stopped. We just had our 38th birthday just 2 weeks earlier.
I just talked to her the previous day. This was not real. How can she be here one day and gone the next? She is/was my best friend, she was literally my other half. We are mirror image Identical twins. I don’t know how to do life without her .
I was working on a new project and she was my biggest cheerleader. Now I don’t want to put effort into anything. Most days lately, I am lucky I brush my hair. I have been bad about taking care of myself. My children are the only reason I get out of bed in the morning because they need me to get up. I get up for them and try for them but even there I am not doing 100%.
Things I have learned when dealing with the death of my sister.
1. There will be people who bolt. People who you thought were your friends. Others will treat you like you have a disease and avoid you.
2. People you didn’t expect to be there for you will be the ones who help you keep it together the most.
3. You will have seen sides of your family you wish you could unsee.
4. It will all be about money, who gets what, what cost what and everyone will have different figures in mind.
5. You will wonder what the hell your life is about and why you are here.
6. You will want to do drastic things, like quit your job and never leave your bed.
7. You will wonder if the sadness will ever leave.
8. You will feel lost and alone, even when in a crowd.
9. You spontaneously cry in the cracker aisle of the grocery store because Toto comes on singing “I’ll be over you”
10. Work seems like an utter waste of time.
11. You will want toxic people out of your life once and for all. Life too short.
12. Things that were fun before require energy just to make it through.
13. You will get sick. ( Almost 3 weeks later still coughing up a lung. )
14. You will be on an emotional roller coaster and will have to remind yourself to think first before reacting. Otherwise you will be apologizing for emotional outbursts over an email you didn’t double check.
15. You will want to be alone and that is okay.