I have been away from the blog for quite sometime because well, life got in the way. I currently suffer from unmedicated Rheumatoid Arthritis and add that to my medicated bout of depression and woooo time bomb. I have an appointment to see a new RA doctor because the one I currently see through Iliana VA is not listening to me and has had me off medication for almost a year. I do not see the civilian doctor till January 8th so till then I have to live with the flares, the pain, the exhaustion, the depression.
My depression is due to a mixture of dealing with my RA, financial strains and the ending of a 2 1/2 year relationship. Kinda all added up at once on me. Depression is nothing to be embarrassed about, a good chunk of the population has to deal with. I fight it daily, some days I win, some days I curl up on the bed and it wins. I am trying hard to work through it because my children do not get a very good mommy during those times. They get the robot mom, who just goes through the motions of caring for them instead of the engaged happy mom they deserve. No one is happy when mommy is not happy.
When I feel the darkness starting to take over I try to rely on things I have learned in therapy over the years. Journaling is huge help! Writing down what I am going through and what I am grateful for helps me look for the light.
Doing something for myself everyday! Spend at least 1 hour doing something for myself. Whether that be reading a book, taking a bubble bath or playing a game, it is my time for me to unwind.
I still not out of the woods but the more I stick to the above tasks the better I will get. At least this is what works for me. If you find yourself feeling like everyday is a bad day there is no shame in asking for help! I am hear of you need an ear to vent to. Suicide is never the answer as it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You are not alone and it will get better.