Stepping back into the light.

*Door slowly opens* I gaze into darkness, I reach over and flip the switch up *lights flicker on*.  I walk into the room…. slowly looking around, I have been gone a long time, there is quite a mess to clean up and dust over everything.   I am finally ready to return and ready to clean up my world.

It has been almost 20 months since my last post.  It has taken me this long to want more in my life than just ending it.   The loss of my twin sister was HUGE and I stopped living for a long time.  I lost a lot that year my sister died.  My job ended, I was sexually assualted, and I came very, very close to reserving a padded room with a view.  When my sister died, I lost who I was.

When the 1st anniversary of her death came in 2017 , I finally turned a corner.  I no longer wanted to die, I wanted to live.  I wanted to do it for her.  I am not going to say it was all easy and all roses because it wasn’t.  Some days it is a lot of work to stay positive about the future and life without her.  But everyday is a new day,  even if I have to take that day a hour at a time.   I took a very special trip in October of 2017 that really helped me come to terms with my new normal.   I will write about it in a later post.

For now I just wanted to look around and knock some dust off this blog and start anew.  Thanks for waiting for me.

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